The Thass

Thass

noun

1. the area of one's body including (but not always limited to) the thighs and ass. Usually named as such when it becomes difficult to define where the ass ends and the thighs begin.

2. a merger that occurs when the ass and thigh realise that life is better as one.

3. an allergic reaction to excessive binge drinking, binge eating and a lack of exercise.

Ah the thass! A stickler of most women since the beginning of time, and an area that most have been too afraid to talk about for centuries. But I'm not sure where this fear lies. You see the thass is like a shoe fetish, or an affinity towards hot men who are just total wankers - every women has one, most are just afraid to admit it!

So if you haven't already gathered what the thass is, it's the merger and acquisition of one's thighs by one's ass that occurred not long after puberty, after the discovery of all things covered in chocolate, and after our inability to find the time (and desire) to hit the gym!

Let's be realistic. We all, including me, desire to be just a little bit thinner, a little less partial to a junk food binge and an all round healthier person. And that's great - we should all aim to be the things that will make us happier and fitter, and able to lead slightly longer and more fulfilling lives; but what I have discovered is that the only women without a thass are the miserable, skinny bitches that don't eat, don't love life and don't long to live a fulfilling existence. So why are we aiming to lose the thass that clearly makes our lives so much more exciting?

You see the thass is in fact a great thing. Ever wondered how much more numb your ass would feel after sitting on hard surfaces for prolonged periods without the thass?

The only reason no woman really likes the thass because they feel it's unnatural, and most women spend years and plenty of money trying to get rid of it. But here's the gist of it - it ain't going anywhere so why not embrace it?! If you think about it, we used to live in caves, hunt for our own food and hit each other on the head for entertainment. We now have lavish houses, a Woolies Food Store or a Waitrose, and we've evolved (if only slightly) on the entertainment front. We've come a long way over the years, so why not embrace changes like the thass?

The logic I see is this. If all women would just admit to the things they think make them so different to the other women in their lives (ie. the wanker affinity or the thass) then we would all realise that these things are just natural. If we are all accepting then does it not become the norm?

Let's just think of it as evolution. I mean it makes finding a comfy chair easier.